Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
things are slowly getting back to normal around here...well, normal for this house anyway! layton is acting like a normal newborn. he eats, sleeps and poops. you'd never know he had heart surgery two weeks ago. i found this picture on cory's phone...i think he took it last night. so cute!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
i like to be wrapped up like a burrito!
i'm in a big bed, now!
little brother, meet big brother!
this was him, staring up at his big brother!
Friday, November 28, 2008
they removed layton's chest tube and breathing tube today. they also took the iv out of his head. he looked so relieved to have those taken out. he was awake for over an hour and was very alert. i'm sure it helped to see our faces and hear our voices. his color looks great. he still has some fluid on the lungs but they said that is normal. overall, he is recovering very well. when we left him earlier, he was sleeping and looked so peaceful. i took this picture shortly after the breathing tube was removed.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
layton is still doing very well...is loving that they are giving him more to eat! they have decided to leave him in the nicu and will take him to surgery in the morning from there. i got to feed him his bottle again today and cory and i both held him. we are cherishing every second we get with him...we are very anxious and nervous about surgery tomorrow. just ready for it to be over.
Monday, November 24, 2008
we went to see baby layton today...he had a great night and was very happy that they doubled his milk intake! i got to hold him again which was wonderful and gave him a bottle. we toured the pediatric icu and talked to a nurse who explained to us what we can expect on the day of surgery and the days to follow. we learned all about the chest tube and breathing tube. she prepared us for what he'll look like after the surgery....he'll more than likely be puffy/swollen, eyes may be swollen shut and he will be restrained so he doesn't pull out anything. he will be given morphine and will not be in any pain at all. they will let him wake up on his own because the more rest he gets, the better.
layton is doing extremely well...the people at the hospital are wonderful! he is definitely in great hands...he finally got to eat and cory was there to give him the first bottle. they are giving him very small amounts and he's eating it up in a matter of seconds! i got to feed him yesterday and it was wonderful...i've also been able to hold him everytime i've been up to see him which is the best medicine. the nurses all say he is super strong and super cute! i'm not prejudice, but i'd have to agree!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
i'm sure many of you have been wondering where i've been...maybe i had the baby and have been soooo busy i haven't had time to blog. no. such. luck. i am still pregnant and it feels like i've been pregnant for 15 months. my belly is HUGE. i'm scheduled to be induced two weeks from today. and that is not a moment too soon...i'm slowly but surely losing my dignity with this pregnancy. i find myself belching, like a MAN, all the time...my fifteen year old son heard me the other day, looked at me with this look of total horror on his face. he didn't have to say anything...i could tell what he was thinking...i can't believe that just came out of my mother. i've even had the "walking" farts a few times...don't you try and act like you don't know what i'm talking about! you know what they are....i sound like a motor boat...it's ridiculous.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
dad: people are already staring...
me: well, we look so much alike, maybe they'll figure we are father and daughter..(wishful thinking on my part)
dad: oh, great. they'll think we are imbreaders.
me: uh, gross.
dad: just walk a few steps behind me..(he was joking, of course)
me: no, that's worse! then they'll think you MAKE me walk behing you as a sign of submission or something!
so we proceeded in and went to the stars club. of course, my dad got a beer while i drank my water. good times. so then i got to thinking, here he is in his cowboy boots, drinking, and they think he brought along his young, pregnant wife to be his designated driver. typical redneck. or typical dirty old redneck. i watched people's faces as we sat down. first they looked at me, then down at my huge belly and then immediately looked over at my dad with this look, like they were wanting to say, "how dare you." it was quite amusing. i guess we need to get t-shirts that say "i'm the daughter" and "i'm the father."
as long as his doesn't say "i'm the daddy" i think we'll be okay...there is a part during the game where they show different couples in the audience on the jumbo tron and they kiss for the camera. i was praying to god, buddha and whoever else was listening that they did not put us up there!
anyway, it was a GREAT game although we lost in over time.
we were supposed to go to the fair yesterday, but i talked myself out of it...as much as i wanted to stuff myself with all things fried, i just wasn't up for the walking.
the baby is measuring at 36 weeks...and i'm just now at 33. he already weighs 5 pounds 8 ounces. at this rate, if i go until november 21, he'll probably come out crawling. which would mean less pushing, right??
i was supposed to go back to austin today but have decided to stay another night here at my parent's...there is something i seem to get more of here than at home...REST.
a lady told me today that there is only 10 weeks until christmas...can you believe it??? hard to believe since it's still 90 degrees outside.
well, that's all i got for now..happy monday!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND:
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for
them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger.
When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's
nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Terri. When I
retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Terri to get a full-time job along with
her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.
Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.
I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half
an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her
time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.
I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable.
I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes
as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for
several hours after dinner.
I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't
clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to
get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining. For example, she will say that it is difficult for
her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for
better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two
or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing
lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to
think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to
take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene.
I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade
and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well
make one for me too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Terri. I'm not saying that
showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it
impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.
However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife
because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile After all, we are
put on this earth to help each other.
Jim died suddenly on September 7th. of a perforated rectum. The police report says Jim
was found with a Calloway nine iron golf club jammed up his rear end, with only 5 inches
of grip left showing.
His wife Terri was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10
minutes to find her "not guilty". Accepting her defense that Jim, somehow without looking,
accidentally sat down on his golf club.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic
on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped
in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought
she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was
wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath
with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the
girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned that his
normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he
phoned the other husband and said: 'These girl nights out have got to
stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. .. my wife came home with no
'That's nothing' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card
stuck to her ass that said.....
'From all of us at the FireStation. We'll never forget you.''
Friday, September 12, 2008
Sometimes I think Maxine should run for president. She was right on with this one...
Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately: illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida ...
Not me. I concentrate on solutions for the problems. It's a win-win situation.
+ Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
+ Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levies.
+ Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
Any other problems you would like for me to solve today ? Yes!
Think about this one:
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
C O W S
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
T H E C O N S T I T U T I O N
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq .... Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
T H E 1 0 C O M M A N D M E N T S
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:
You cannot post ' Steal,' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...It creates a hostile work environment.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
she did soooo great...just waltzed in there like she'd been doing it for years! the teacher said she did well except for when story time came around. apparently, playing with the dollhouse was much more appealing to her than listening to a story. but the teacher talked to her and then she was fine.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
me in front of alcatraz in san francisco
beautiful view from our hotel in pebble beach
mackenzie in the pool
and playing on the beach...
performing her duties as flower girl...yes, she did it!!
me and my brother, brett
the family after the wedding...
when she said there's no place like home. we just got home sunday night from our vacations. first we spent thursday through sunday in mexico for my brother's wedding. we had all the kids with us and it was anything but relaxing. mackenzie was all over the place, jumping into the pool, jumping off rock walls into the pool. she wore me out! then cory and i left for california on tuesday~without kids. we flew into san francisco, rented a cadillac and drove to napa where we spent two days. we then took the 3 hour drive to pebble beach. it was WONDERFUL. so relaxing, the weather was awesome! i have to admit it was hard to be in wine country and not be able to drink but that just gives me a reason to go back...
Sunday, July 20, 2008
you may be wondering why on earth i posted this picture...or better yet, who the hell it is? well, it's me and i posted it because MY BOOBS WILL NEVER LOOK THIS WAY AGAIN. when not pregnant, i'm lucky to fill out a B cup...really, i could probably wear an A but refuse to buy one. now, i'm sporting D's, people. yes, D. it's unbelievable. one of the few perks of pregnancy.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
and this was her enthusiasm while waiting for a dolphin to take the fish...
and this was her after being in the car about 5 minutes....
Friday, July 11, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
my dad sent this to me....funny and pretty accurate.
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,
but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually show-and-tell
is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish
they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or
limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it,
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and
I'm going to tell you about his birthday'
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a
seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months
through an umbrella cord.'
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,
Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around
the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical
duck walk and groaning.)
'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a
sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed
like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he
got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!'
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe' .
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it
was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day,
I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.
Friday, June 27, 2008
all i can say, is good for them. they did their time, paid their dues and they deserve it. i just wish i could bottle of up whatever they got and make myself stay up past 9:30.
Baby's First Doctor Visit This made me laugh out loud.I hope it will give you a smile! A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,waiting for thedoctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and beinga little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied. 'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed bothbreasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.' I know,' she said, I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.