Sunday, July 20, 2008

perks of pregnancy....

this is a picture of me and the other two preggos i bunked with...hey, mindy and katie!
you may be wondering why on earth i posted this picture...or better yet, who the hell it is? well, it's me and i posted it because MY BOOBS WILL NEVER LOOK THIS WAY AGAIN. when not pregnant, i'm lucky to fill out a B cup...really, i could probably wear an A but refuse to buy one. now, i'm sporting D's, people. yes, D. it's unbelievable. one of the few perks of pregnancy.
well, my girl's trip to horseshoe bay spa and resort was wonderful...i got some much needed r&r. the pool was wonderful and it was nice to just lay around and not do anything but relax. then i watched a movie, "made of honor" with patrick dempsey. it was cute. i had a nice dinner and was in bed by 10:30. it was bliss. 
we leave on thursday for my brother's wedding in mexico. i'm very nervous to take mackenzie on the plane...she's only been once and she was 5 months old. i apologize in advance to everyone that is on our should be interesting. she is supposed to be the flower girl in the wedding and i say supposed to because no one knows if she will actually fulfill her duties come showtime. i just hope she doesn't yell "dammit" or some other obscenity during the ceremony. here's to hoping...

Friday, July 18, 2008

wife #1 seeking wife #2....

so i'm sitting her watching 20/20 which i often do on friday nights...i know...what a social life, right? it's all about sex and they were just talking about polygamy. now, i've mentioned before about cory wanting a sister wife and joked about it. i always say if she cooks and cleans, bring her on. however, she can't have kids....hell, no. i don't want my own half the time much less someone elses.  anyway, cory and i are sitting here watching this and these people all seem to have really full, good lives. and these are not those fundamentalist know the ones with the dresses, hair in a bun, no make-up...these are normal looking people. but what always strikes me as odd is the men....most of them look like they would be lucky to get ONE wife much less several. seriously. not attractive. not that their wives are beauty queens. but in one of the cases, one wife said that the other cooks breakfast every morning while she sleeps in....uh, excuse me?? did i hear that right?? where do i sign up? sleeping late? every day?? that's heaven. i only have a few rules:

1. i have to be the boss lady...the boss wife

2. they can't be prettier than me...vain, i know. but if you can't feel like the most beautiful woman in the world in your home, where can you??

3. they can't have any kids

4. they absolutely can not wear those ridiculous dresses

5. they must take my side against cory...always. no matter what. period. you know, strength in numbers.

i almost want to place on ad on craig's list or something just to see what kind of respones i would get. not that i'd actually go through with it...just curious.

well, i'm off to horseshoe bay resort tomorrow! hopefully i'll have some good stories to blog about!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

now what??

i come to you from my is 10 a.m. and i'm still in my pj's. i just finished a bowl of cereal. and i'm doing all of this...alone. there is no toddler running around begging for fruit snacks, orange juice or the new snack of the moment, marshmallows. my mom took mackenzie home with her yesterday. she will not come home until sunday. blake also went, along with jake, so there are no obnoxious teenagers farting, cussing and getting on my last nerve. the only child left here is ashlen, who with faults of her own, may be the most perfect one of all. after all, she drives so i don't have to take her anywhere. and she's learning to cook....she so graciously cooked dinner for us last night. yes, it was just homemade mac and cheese but one ever cooks for me. unless our good friend, javier, comes over. he kicks me out of my own kitchen. but hey, i'm not complaining.
so i'm sitting her contemplating all the million things i could do today...and tomorrow. saturday is already planned. i'm going on an overnight with my girlfriends to horseshoe baby spa and resort. i'm planning on doing nothing but laying out by the pool and eating. me and two other preggos are staying in a room so we will no doubt watch movies and eat junk food while the others take jello shots and play the ever so popular "never have i ever..." i do know that ash wants to go see "sex and the city" today since she hasn't seen it yet. i told her i'd be happy to go see it again. i'm thinking maybe the alamo drafthouse so we can eat, too! i'm all about the food these days....maybe some fried mushrooms and pizza....mmmmm! right now, i'm craving some lemonade....
tomorrow, maybe i'll get a pedicure and a manicure...who knows? the possibilities are endless. i'm thinking of just laying out by the pool all day.
but i have to say, i do miss mackenzie. i miss hearing those little feet running across the house. she tells me now, "i love you all the sky." something her daddy taught her. it's so cute.
don't get me wrong...i'm sooo going to enjoy my break. once this new baby comes, i imagine it will be harder to convince someone to take TWO of them.
well, i'm going to go for now...must decide what i'm going to do with myself today!

happy thursday!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

mac and friends at the fire station..

mackenzie had a playdate at the fire station on was our second time to go. the firemen are great...the let them try on the gear, climb on the truck, basically everything short of putting out a fire. mac informed me that the jacket was too heavy.

the brewers hit sea world.....

this was mac's enthusiasm at the beluga whale show...
and this was her enthusiasm while waiting for a dolphin to take the fish...
and this was her after being in the car about 5 minutes....

needless to say, she had a great time and was worn completely out...the water park was her favorite part. she liked putting on the life jacket and floating around the lazy river. she also went down a big water slide with her daddy. i think the landing startled her a bit, but she said she wanted to do it again...she has no fear. cory was completely disgusted at the water park...he's not a "public" pool kind of person. it's kind of gross if you let yourself think about it too much but i was so damn hot, i didn't care who i was swimming with. and any dark particles floating around, i chose to believe were dirt, pieces of bark or anything else other than fecal matter...but, we had a great time.

happy saturday!

Friday, July 11, 2008

and the winner is...

me!! my friend shauna had a contest on her blog where you submitted a funny story. the theme was, "i knew i had married the wrong person when......" well, this is what i put and it won me a $100 target gift card!! so thank you to shauna and special thanks to my wonderful husband who provides hours of entertainment...

i knew i had married the wrong person when i learned of his blatant disrespect for the hand towel. you see, i've always kept a hand towel in the bathroom for purposes of drying hands and/or face. of course, most people know the purpose of a hand towel in the bathroom.....except for my husband. while drying my face with said hand towel one morning, i noticed a horrible stench.  i quickly examined the towel to find streaks of brown. yes, it was shit. i knew there was only one person who could be responsible. so i confronted my husband and that is when i found out that he sometimes uses the hand towel to wipe his ass....yes, his ass.

true story....i shit you not. 

Saturday, July 5, 2008

from the mouths of babes...

or more specifically, mackenzie brewer. at the ripe old age of 2 1/2, she has aquired quite the vocabulary. why, just today at the pool, she fell down and proceeded to announce to anyone within a mile radius, "owwww! i hurt my butt." plain as day. all i could say was, "yes, you did. are you okay?" i was just grateful she didn't say ass. 

yesterday, she happened to catch cory in the buff and she said, "daddy, you're naked." again, plain as day...there was no denying what she had said. not sure where she heard the word naked or better yet, how she knows what it means.  she has begun saying "whatever." there's one that i thought would atleast be saved until her pre-teen years...i'm sure i didn't start using it until atleast 12. oh, and let's not forget, "not yet." example:

me: mackenzie, come here so i can change your diaper.

mac: no, not yet.

and these are just some of the mild phrases she has picked up. as you can imagine, having teenagers around all the time, mainly teenage boys, interesting conversations are happening all the time. the other day, we were in the car, and she started saying, "you little fart!" now, i'll have to admit, i've been guilty of calling her that myself. however, the next one, i can't take credit for. she know refers to blake and all his little friends as "homos" because that's what cory calls them sometimes. and i have heard "bullshit" escape her precious mouth a time or two. my mom had her out shopping the other day and she yelled, "dammit." all the women around started laughing. in her defense, she does use it in the correct way...she's always pissed about something when she says it. and before you go calling cps on me, i've heard from several people that "dammit" was a  favorite of their child's as well. so there.

her loving father taught her that boys have titties and girls have boobies. funny, i always thought they were the same thing. my husband...a bottomless pit of useful wisdom. anyhoo, she pointed to one of hers today and said, "i've got boobies." and then pointed to the other and said, "and i've got titties." all i could say was, "yes, you do."

so, yes, it appears that i have given birth to one of THOSE know, the one that other kids' parents don't want them around because of the things they can pick up from them. like in the movie "christmas story" when ralphie drops the "f" bomb and when is mom asks him where he heard it from, he blames his friend, schwartz....knowing all along that he hears it from his own father all the time. my point is, i envision a lot of phone calls in my future telling me that my darling mackenzie has taught their child a bad word or two. or informed her whole kindergarden class that boys have titties and girls have boobies.

you know, it just dawned on me, that whenever she runs in a room after stripping down to nothing, we always say, "you little naked butt!" who would have guessed she'd understand what it meant??

god help me....

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

so true....

my dad sent this to me....funny and pretty accurate.


Before I lay me down to sleep, 

I pray for a man, who's not a creep, 

One who's handsome, smart and strong. 

One who loves to listen long, 

One who thinks before he speaks, 

One who'll call, not wait for weeks. 

I pray he's gainfully employed, 

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. 

Pulls out my chair and opens my door. 

Massages my back and begs to do more. 

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, 

Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?' 

I pray that this man will love me to no end, 

And always be my very best friend.


I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with 

huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course, 

and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This 

doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit. 

The End 

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

to my wonderful husband....

i realize that my last blog entry may have come as bit of a shock to you....considering you still choose to believe that your oh-so-perfect wife could never, ever pass gas in such a foul manner. i apologize for shattering this image for you. i can only promise to keep this disturbing occurence to myself and spare you the torture of seeing, hearing or smelling it for yourself. 

yes, i love you that much.

this whole gas situation is ridiculous....

and i'm not speaking about the kind you put in your car. i have to say that i've been blessed with three (so far) relatively easy pregnancies. but there is something going on with this one that has me floored. i've heard of other women experiencing this while being pregnant but this is a first for me. i've got the most incredible gas you can imagine. it is so disgusting, it rivals my fourteen year old AND my husbands. if i was rude enough to do it in their presence, i could easily clear a room. they would be so proud.  i can honestly say that at this point, water is giving me gas...what is up?? it's so gross...this must be what it's like to be a man. but i haven't reached the point where i just let it rip with no regards to my surroundings...i keep it it should be. but it is N-A-S-T-Y. so know that you know more about my gastrointestinal situation than you ever cared to...let's move on.
mackenzie is sick....was running a fever of over 104 degree temperature on sunday afternoon and we went to a clinic where they gave her a shot of antibiotics and started her on amoxicillin. doctor said that although her strep test was negative, he didn't like her high fever or the look of her throat. she seems to be feeling better now but it's been a rough couple of days..and nights. here's to hoping i'm not next...
on a much funnier note, i think mackenzie might have a future career in mind...future pussycat doll. she goes around singing, "don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me..don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me...don't cha?" just what every toddler should be singing, right?  atleast what little clothes they wear, they keep on...oh and if you are wondering where she heard it, it wasn't the was in "norbit." continues to be one of her favorites.

happy tuesday!