Tuesday, July 14, 2009

i'm already working on the rebuttal...

my father sent this to me...stay tuned for my ideas on classes for men.

Spring Classes for Women at

By Tuesday, June 30, 2009


Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. ;

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours...

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

oh, yes...the gloves are coming off.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

i drink...for my family

so, i like to drink wine...almost every night. anyone that knows me, this is no news flash. but what you may not know is that i don't drink for myself...that would be selfish. i do it for one simple, loving reason...to keep from killing my entire family. except for layton...he's still so sweet and has not done anything to totally piss me off. yet. okay...that may be a little dramatic, but you get the drift. i do it for my sanity and let's face it, without that, EVERYONE in this house would be miserable. i've been accused of being bitchy lately. duh. i believe the role of mother/driver/maid/chef is the most under appreciated job on the planet. and with being under appreciated, comes a little...okay, a lot, of bitchiness. you hardly ever hear the words "thank you" or "please." you are just expected to do "it." whatever "it" may be. and what sucks is that if you think this way or dare say it out loud, you seem ungrateful for the opportunity to stay at home with your kids...which is not the case. i've been a working mom and missed out on a lot and i'm totally thankful that i get this opportunity now. but damn...sometimes you can't help but feel like the hired help. but there's no paycheck. and no sick days.

cory tried to tell me one time that maybe my bitchiness had something to do with my drinking every night. seriously? does he really want to test that theory. sometimes knowing that my refreshing glass of pinot grigio is waiting for me, is the only thing that gets me through the day.

i was told today by one of my wonderful children that "atleast you don't have a job." oh really?? well, let's just see how he gets his ass to and from football practice and driver's ed tomorrow...after all, it's not like i have a job. this is the same child that i spent all day friday, in the 105 degree heat, watching him play football while wrestling with an almost 8 month old and a 3 1/2 year old that does not seem to understand the word "no." i take that back~she understands it~she just doesn't give a shit. yea...i don't have a JOB.

and no one tells you how hard it's going to be...being a parent.all you hear is all the great things~and there are MANY! i'm thinking of writing a book that tells all the ugly things no one dares tell you when you are planning on having kids. like instead of having someone looking at your pregnant belly and saying, "ahhh, babies are soooo sweet. congratulations." i would say somethinng like, "congratulations. your cute, sweet baby will grow up to be a teenager....and literally suck the life right out of you. good luck with all THAT."

don't get me wrong...i love ALL my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world.

but....a case of pinot grigio....hmmmmmm.....