Wednesday, December 2, 2009

FYI: getting to second base with the sales girl will NOT get you a discount

so you know those days where everything seems to go your way...sun is shining, birds are singing, you hit all the green lights, etc..well, this was NOT one of THOSE days. this was the exact opposite of one of those days...in fact, this day would be THAT day's ugly stepsister...you know the mean, ugly one that nobody likes. yeah. THAT one. it all actually started the night before or monday evening around 6:39...okay, i don't know for sure that it was 6:39 but for dramatic effect, let's go with it. i spilled a glass of wine on my laptop. now, any other time, i would be crying over spilled wine and if it would have spilled on anything else, that would have been the case this particular time. but this was my laptop...my LAPTOP...my means of escaping to the world of TMZ, perez hilton, reading the adventures of my favorite bloggers and FACEBOOK!!!! OMG...what did we do before facebook?? i shutter to think of such a time...i quickly dumped off the excess liquid, just praying that it hadn't gotten any further than the surface. after drying it off, everything seemed to be ok...WHEW! crisis everted.

or so i thought.....

so a few hours later, i settled in to check one last time before going to bed, what was happening with tiger woods and the "alleged" beating of his ass by his wife~which by the way..LOVE it...i mean, being chased with a golf club?? talk about the irony..
that's when my laptop startd going all "exorcist" on me...screen was blinking on and off, i'd try to click on something and it would take me somewhere totally different, and the delete key wasn't working. or the A. or ENTER. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the next few minutes were like a scene from "grey's anatomy"....i was like a doctor trying to save my dying patient...i was wishing for some of those paddles to i could, i don't know, shock it or something. that always seems to work. so after several attempts to gain control of the situation, i decided to shut it down for the night...hopefully, it was just a little pissed off and after sleeping it off, it would be fine in the morning...

so i woke up early the next morning to go workout and i had to check out the situation before leaving for the gym. no change. i immediately went to the apple website on my phone to schedule an appointment at the genius bar ASAP. i got one for 10:15.
i dropped mac off at school and layton and i headed to see if a "genius" could bring my baby back to life. long story short, the repairs would be over $1000 and i would be better off buying a new one. soooo not what i wanted to hear. i packed my laptop back up and left the store feeling defeated...very defeated. i immediately started thinking what kind and how many sexual favors it was going to take to score me a new laptop...hmmmmmm...

next stop, getting fitted for new bras. it had been a while since i had been measured and bought some new ones so i figured maybe that would cheer me up. after telling the sales girl that i needed to be measured she ushers me in to the dressing room. now if memory serves me correctly, the last time i had been measured, the girl did it over my shirt. this one instructed me to remove my shirt. oooookkkkkkk....so i did. she did her thing and her measurements confirmed that i was still a 34B. alrighty then. she then went to grab some for me to try on. she quickly returns and started telling me a little about each one...yada, yada, yada. she hands me one and says "let's try this one on first." i paused and waited for her to, i don't know, LEAVE THE ROOM. it didn't take me too long to realize she wasn't going ANYWHERE. we were headed in to this thing TOGETHER. this girl took customer "service" to a whole new level. she told me to face the mirrors with my back to her and put my arms out in front of me. she slipped the bra through my arms and then told me to bend over...yes, you heard me, BEND OVER...and, i quote, "get everything all in." what?? what's "everything?" it's not like i'm wrestling a couple of double d's here. but i did as i was told. she hooked me up and started doing her thang...checking the fit, adjusting the straps. and that's when she said what NO woman wants to hear: "i think you need to go DOWN a cup size." i mean, honestly, i had been thinking for some time that i could probably wear an A cup, but i never, ever said it out loud. heaven forbid! but now it was CONFIRMED. i. have. no. boobs. none. zero. zilch. nada. she then retreats to go find me my "new" size. yippee. comes back to tell me that one of the ones i had chosen didn't come in that small of a size. well this day just keeps getting better and better. just point me to the training bras, lady....

and just when i thought my day couldn't get any worse, it did. a lot of you know that once you've had a few kids, your bladder is never the same. used to, if i felt i needed to go to the bathroom, i could hold off if need be...no biggie. uh...not anymore. i was unloading the car when i felt the urge to pee. then i REALLY felt the urge. i quickly put layton down and what started out to be a jog turned in to a sprint to the bathroom. if you guessed that i didn't make it and pissed my pants, you'd be correct. not a full on, need a diaper kind of thing but enough i had to change my pants. un-freaking-believable. someone just shoot me now. or give me a glass of wine. or four.

now, you are probably asking yourself, why on earth would she put this out there for everyone to see?? i'll tell you why. because i'm a giver. that's would i do. i give and give and give. and if i can give you an embarassing story that makes you feel better about something REALLY embarrasing that's happened to you, then great. because that's just the kind of person i am. and it is the season for giving. so there...don't say i never gave you anything.

now, PLEASE, i beg you, return the favor and leave me something embarassing about YOU in the comments section. it'll be fun. fun. fun. fun.

and now i must leave you for some "grey's anatomy" and a glass of wine.

and be very thankful that i married an "ass" man.......

atleast that's what he TOLD me....

hmmmmmm...........