Sunday, December 30, 2007

the house....

the builder is saying it will be ready in march...hope so! here's what it looks like right now! the picture of the water is the view off our back porch. beautiful!!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

it's official...i'm an adult.

you know how when you were little, you waited all year for christmas. and you wanted the day to go soooo slow because you knew you had to wait a whole year for it to come around again. well, now i know exactly what my mother meant when she would say, "i'm christmased out!" i was soooo ready for it to be over! mainly because a horrible stomach virus attacked the whole family~including my father who never, ever, ever gets sick. never. ever. it started on the thursday before christmas, thanks to mackenzie. she then gave it to blake and my sister. my father was the next poor victim and then me! yea! and of course, cory was here for all of 5 minutes and got it. i'll spare you the details but let's just say we had a brown christmas. gross, i know. but i couldn't resist.
everyone is better now~but the kicker is that my mom has yet to get it. we are sure it is brewing and will hit any minute. but hopefully not. maybe god is smiling down on her for all the years she has been tormented by her children. me, exluded, of course.
so know we have all this stuff~mainly mackenzie~that i have no idea where i'm going to put it. the builder is saying our house will be ready in march and i hope he is right...we are seriously running out of room.
i did get to go to a dallas stars game before i got sick and that was tons of fun! i love hockey. and those types of events are always great places to people watch because you literally have people from all walks of life. no matter where i am, i always notice what people are wearing. sometimes i feel like approaching them and asking exactly what they were thinking when they put that emsemble together. for example, cowboy boots and sweat pants. now i'm not saying anything bad about cowboy boots or sweat pants. i like them both...just now together. never. together. ever. that's just common sense, right?? it gave me an idea. i should start a business. you know those times that you are questioning an outfit in the mirror and really wish you had a friend there to tell you it looks great or it looks like shit? well, i would be that person. if you are alone and need a fashion opinion, i'd be happy to assist. with today's technology, all you'd have to do is text or e-mail a quick picture and voila! crisis averted. oh and i would so be honest...i'm not calling myself a fashion expert but i do know that sweat pants and cowboy boots are an absolute no-no. anytime. anywhere. for any reason.
and men are the worst! if you i see a man that has something totally ridiculous on, the first thing i do is look to see if he's with a woman. if he is and she looks horrendous, understandable. but sometimes the woman will look great! why she lets her man go around looking like a moron is beyond me.
start looking now when you are out and about (if you don't already...which i know some of you so do!) and i'll promise you'll be hooked. you won't be able to stop yourself. the more ridiculous the better.
have a good night..must go and pour my 2nd glass of wine! cheers!

**oh, and i've officially lost what little of my mind i had left..i've signed up for a boot camp that begins on jan. 7. three days a week at 6 am (yes, six) for twelve weeks. i will be meeting with my trainer on tuesdays and thursdays. by saturday, i imagine i'll be comatose.**

Sunday, December 23, 2007

are you freakin' kidding me???

so anyone who knows me knows that i love my celebrity magazines. however, i'm a little disturbed by some of the latest headlines. when i retrieved my people magazine from the mailbox the other day, imagine my surprise when there on the cover was brad pitt and angelina jolie with a headline of "couple of the year." really?? now, let me start by saying that i am not a brangelina fan at all. i've never really cared for her but used to love brad pitt. who can forget that scene in legends of the fall when he comes riding up on that horse?? yummy. anyway. now i think he is a cheating, no good bastard...even if they didn't hook up while he was still married to jennifer (bullshit) he still said that they decided to have a baby before his divorce was even final. what an ass!! and don't even get me started on her...i knew she was a nut job when she made out with her own brother (gross) on the red carpet and wore a vile of billy bob thornton's blood around her neck...what the hell?? and she went on and on saying that she could never be with a married man because her dad cheated on her mom....hello, pot, meet kettle. so i guess to get couple of the year, you have to be a cheating son of a bitch and a crazy, self-righteous hypocrite. who's next...bill and hillary clinton?? that's a whole other blog.

another mag had katie holmes as "mom of the year." interesting. first off, anyone could find motherhood easy with millions of dollars, a gaggle of nannies, private jets, several homes, etc. what makes her mom of the year?? she can't even think for herself..i just read an interview in parade, and every answer to every question mentioned tom..tom this, tom that. i think tom must wipe her ass when she goes to the bathroom..maybe it's the scientology way. she rarely said was always we. give me a break. we all know that he is a controlling freak and she's turned into a robot. she's like a stepford wife...get her wet and i bet you'll see sparks. also, it's questionable just who is the most feminine in that marriage, if you know what i mean. there's always been rumors that he's a little light in the loafers. so i'm not quite sure what qualifies her for mom of the about all those single moms out there? women who have to work several jobs just to put food on the table and clothes on their kid's back? who's next...britney spears as mom of the year?? again, a whole other blog.

i'll still continue to read my mags but i had to get that off my chest. have a happy sunday!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

now enrolling for 2008...

after careful thought and consideration, i have decided to offer certain classes to men....just basic stuff...things that they should already know and things that i'm sure they do know but choose not to do. feel free to sign your husbands, boyfriends or any man in your life you feel could benefit.

class #1: how to put on a new roll of toilet paper. now, i know this seems like a pretty elementary thing, but men just can't seem to grasp it...not sure if it's the eye-hand thing or just plain laziness. but they never, ever do it! this is also a great class for the teenager in your life since they can't seem to get it done either.

class #2: how to fart in private. men will tell you this is not possible...they say when you gotta rip one, you gotta rip one. well, that is a lie. i hold mine in when i'm in public..i'm pretty sure that all my friends do, too. because when we are all together hanging out, there isn't any farting going on. if there is, they are very, very discreet and somehow they don't smell. again, another good one for the a matter of fact, my teenage son just farted so loud he better go check his pants.

class #3: how to load a dishwasher. i am lucky if my husband's dishes make it to the sink..but the dishwasher, forget it about it. it's like he doesn't even know we have a dishwasher. i mean, how does he think all those dishes get in there??

class #4: how to put your dirty clothes in the dirty clothes hamper. when my husband comes home from work, he undresses in several areas of the living room. his shirt may be hanging off a bar stool, his shoes under the kitchen table, socks on the coffee table (gross, i know), belt on the couch and no telling where his pants are going to end up. and who do you think will pick up all this..of course, me. i'm a little ocd when it comes to picking up things. he tells me that if i would just wait, he'd do it all when he's after a few days of the clothes piling up. uh, no. i'm not going to trip over your shit all week until you get a wild hair and decide to pick it up. which has never happen. i've been out of town for a week and come home to a week's worth of shit on the floor.

i'm sure more classes will come to mind. feel free to sign up for one or more. and i'll happily take any volunteers to help me teach. there will be wine provided, of course. not for the students. only the teachers. we've earned it.

Monday, December 17, 2007

merry freakin' christmas.....

sorry i haven't blogged in a while...been gearing up for xmas. i managed to knock most of my gift buying out this weekend. it was relatively painless. i went to nordstrom's on saturday morning to return some pants that cory did not want and decided to stay at the mall and do some shopping. as i'm walking up to the door at nordstrom, a man, probably in his late forties (old enough to know better) was heading to the door at the same time. he glanced over at me and started to hurry up to the door...naturally i'm thinking what a gentleman..he's going to open the door for me. wrong. he opened the door and stepped right in front of me! happy holidays, asshole.
i proceeded up to the counter in the men's department to return the pants. they had altered them and they were too short for cory. he didn't want them fixed, he just wanted the money back. so i tell the woman behind the counter the dilema and she looks puzzled. great. first off, have you noticed the way the people that work in these type places look at you if you are not dressed to the nines and wearing a full face of make-up?? of course i had on jeans, t-shirt, and not a lick of make-up on. so she was skeptical from the get go. she then calls a man over there to assist her. he just happend to be the man that sold the pants to cory. he asks me in an oh so snobby way..just how short were the pants. in true cory brewer fashion, i looked him straight in the face and said, "too short for him to wear 'em." he then said something about needing to know exactly how short so he could make a i made something up and told him. he then informed me that it would take a while..i'm not sure why, i mean, i had a receipt and everything. whatever...happy holidays, asshole #2.
i then ventured out into the home away from home. it wasn't too crowded. but why is it that anytime i need a big bag in a store, they are always out and i get stuck with a thousand little bags??? it's the holidays, people..stock up!
all the other salespeople that helped me were very nice and helpful. and you can't help but love the salvation army people out front...especially the real animated black men. they're great.
i've started carrying a notebook in my purse to jot down ideas for blogs. i've got several things already that i can't wait to share with you. now i just need to find the time.....ahh, to dream.
happy monday!

Thursday, December 6, 2007


just wanted to show you a picture of lola...she's soooo cute! we should be getting her sometime after christmas! i will blog more later!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

mackenzie brewer...mindfreak

if you have read previous blogs you would know that mackenzie has been taking her pants and diaper off while in her bed. so we switched from two piece pajamas to one piece ones that zip up. i even had to put them on her during nap time. well, it's been so warm in the afternoons i was afraid she was getting hot so i got her some onesies to nap in. she doesn't know how to un-snap them at the bottom so problem solved, right?? i must have forgotten who i was dealing with. after being in bed for a whole hour yesterday afternoon and not falling asleep, i ventured in there to see the diaper on the floor. that's another thing..once she gets it off she must throw it on the floor as some sort of, screw you, i'm not wearing this stinkin' diaper. so i assumed she had learned how to get the onesie off..i was mistaken. instead, ms. thing managed to take off the diaper with the onesie still in place..still snapped and all. houdini would have been stumped.
mac had her first swim class yesterday without me in the pool with her. she did really well..they had a tough time getting her to sit on the edge and wait her turn but for the most part she did great. she would sit back down on her turtle when they told her to. there was one incident..well it could have turned in to a big incident but luckily i was watching. at one point, she had both feet planted on the back of the little girl next to her...and i knew exactly what she was planning on doing. mackenzie was thinking, "let's see if she's been paying attention!" she was totally going to push her in!! i got to her in time. crisis management should be my second job.
at school yesteday, a little boy named aidan had a dirty diaper and mackenzie decided that she would assist the teacher in cleaning him up. not sure how ugly it got but mac was not wearing the same clothes when i picked her up. whatever they are paying her teachers, it is not even close to being enough.
cory just called me in to the bedroom to pick a gross scab out of the back of his head........don't believe that was anywhere in our vows. god love him. and so do i.
happy hump day!!