Friday, August 31, 2007

cabin fever, anyone?

i've been holed up in my house for several days with a sick baby. i'm speaking of the actual baby in this house, not my husband. mac has been sick and driving me crazy!!! bless her heart, i know she's hurting~she's got white spots on her tonsils and of course, it's viral so no medicine! lovely. i can give her motrin for the fever and pain but do they not make baby vicodine or something?? she's doing much better but still very whiny. for those of you wondering (which i'm sure you all are) i did run the other night. did not work out yesterday and probably won't today. pretty bummed about that but oh well. i do have some more motivation to keep going, though. cbs is sending cory and me to the four seasons in punta mita, mexico oct. 3-7! yeah!!!!!!!! i can't wait! i may do nothing but get massages and order room service. hopefully, this will be a "pro-creation vacation" if ya know what i mean! i know they are sending us because of the amount of money that cory spends on his advertising for the dealership, but i choose to think that god is rewarding me for putting up with cory's cfd....compulsive farting disorder. yes, i've given it a name. patent pending.
have a great weekend folks! hope to be back among the living next week!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

they all do it!!

my dear friend shauna, who i've known all my life and who's blog inspired me to start my own (thanks, shauna!) had an interesting topic on her latest blog: the disgusting noises that men make. first of all, let me start off saying that i love my husband and when i married him, i knew all his annoying habits and felt that over time, they wouldn't bother me as bad. you know how sometimes when there is an annoying noise that is constant and people say after awhile you just don't notice it anymore?? wrong. not only do you still notice it (them) but they are even more annoying. for example, when cory brushes his teeth, he sounds like he is brushing his tonsils...i'm not kidding. he gags himself, over and over again. it's disgusting and very loud. people who have overheard this have actually asked me if he's okay in there? is he choking? nope, just brushing his throat! last night, he fell asleep on the couch, which he does most nights, (and i wonder why i'm not pregnant?!) and i was trying to watch a movie. all of a sudden, he starts farting. and i don't mean the occasional little toot...i mean, at one point, i could have sworn he shit his pants. and i wasn't going to wake him up to find, sir. if he shit his pants, he can lay in it. obviously wasn't bothering him. but he kept on and on and on. why are men so gassy?? and why aren't they embarassed by it?? i believe my husband has heard me pass gas once in the 5 years we have been together. and that was the day after giving birth so it doesn't count. i mean, your body is a wreck, you aren't responsible for the disgusting things oozing out of it, right? but i would be mortified if he told me i was laying on the couch farting in my sleep! not him. or any man for that matter. it's almost like a badge of honor for them. gross. and don't get me started on the snoring. it's a lost cause. but atleast it doesn't smell.
another annoying habit that i can't stand is why do men clip their toenails and/or fingernails anywhere in the house? if i need to do this, i usually sit on the edge of the toilet (lid down, of course) or bathtub and do it over the trashcan. i find his clippings in the bathtub, on the carpet, in the chair, on the couch...everywhere. it's so gross. i'm sure my daughter has probably consumed her share of toenails that she finds lying around...what do ya do?
and the most amazing part of all this: they wonder why we don't want to have sex with them? would they still want to have sex with us if we were farting all the time? yeah, they probably would, they are men. and they always want sex.
so anyone reading this that is not married..take note. these annoying habits don't become cute or quirky once you say i do...they are as disgusting and repulsive as they sound.
update on my fitness crusade: i went to an aerobics class yesterday with my friend danielle and it was awesome. i'm very sore today but feel great. was at the gym to meet trainer this morning and when i got mac out of the car, she had fever. but i was there, ready to go. that counts right?? i'll have to run with blake later or something.
gotta run. sick child wants me to hold her. later gators.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

the gods have been listening......

it's almost here people........tmz on tv!!! i can't wait! mark your calendars for september 10!

**i'll post more later...can barely hold my arms up they are so sore........damn you, manny (trainer).

Monday, August 27, 2007

major buzz kill

so i had my first official session with my trainer this morning. it went pretty well, no, it went great! about half way in to it, i was thinking, this is pretty easy, relatively painless and i really think i'm going to be able to stick with this. when we finished i felt like i was on this exercise high, like i was drunk with fitness. and then it happened. my trainer sat me down and had a talk. he told me that today was pretty easy since we were just getting started......uh, what?? wait a when i said relatively painless, i was lying. i was trying to sound tougher than what i really one point my left butt cheek felt like it was on fire, literally. and now he's telling me that it will get harder. great. there went my fitness buzz. but don't worry, i'm going to stick with it. i've got a goal and i tend to see it through to the end. no matter how hard it becomes. i wonder if there is an episode of "snapped" where a crazy (sorry, i like to refer to them as misunderstood) woman killed her trainer?? oh! anyone know how many calories are in white wine?? it doesn't really matter because i'm going to keep drinking it.....something's got to ease the pain of my butt cheek. see ya.

Monday, August 20, 2007

i've made the first step

well, i did it. i joined the gym today and i've got my first appointment with a trainer tomorrow. his name is manny and i'm not going to lie.....i hope he's hot. i joined lifetime fitness and this place is awesome!!! they have indoor pools, outdoor pool, spa, salon, cafe. hell, there is a big flat screen t.v. in the freakin' bathroom! with some big comfy leather chairs, too. if i don't feel like working out one day, i may just go hang out in the bathroom and watch general hospital...let's see my kids or husband find me in there! i'm really excited about getting started. i'm feeling really slugglish lately. i'm going to really try and get in a routine and get my ass in shape! no more excuses! now, i've got to go.........there is something sweet in my kitchen calling my name! guess i probably need to change my step at a time.......

things that make you go hmmm.............

just a few things to ponder......

1. why are vietnamese-born people so freakin' good at doing nails?? seriously.
2. why is my husband so obsessed with indian women and their birth-giving and breastfeeding skills?? all through out my pregnancy he told me how indian women gave birth in a field (duh..cause they didn't have hospitals) and how they would breastfeed the whole tribe? the babies of the tribe, that is. well, you know what? you should have married pocha-freakin'-hontas! cause i'm going to the hospital and i'm asking for all the drugs they can legally give me! and i'm only offering my milk-jugs to my own kid, thank you very much!
3. why does same said husband have so many opinions on those subjects anyway.....i mean, those are two things that i can definately, without reservation, say that he will never, ever do in this lifetime!
4. why would i give up a vital organ to see him(or any other male, for that matter) do either one?????
5. now, supposedly, according to the bible, women have periods because eve ate the forbidden fruit in the garden of eden. now, adam was right there along with her....sure, he could have said no but he didn' where is the male version of "aunt flo" or male p.m.s????????
6. why do some men think it is ok to not shut the door when they are using the restroom??? fyi, there is nothing you are doing in there that we want to be witness me. they put a lock on those doors for a reason, buddy. use it.
7. why am i up at this ridiculous hour?????????

oh, i've got a new man to add to "my list." i just finished watching "fracture" with anthony hopkins and ryan gosling. no, it's not anthony hopkins (although his voice is quite appealing). ryan gosling, who i loved in the notebook, looked really hot in this movie. kind of like the guy next door......if the guy next door was a real hot lawyer. good movie, you should check it out!

anyway, i'm out........for now.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

my ass has got to get in shape!!

ok, i've really got to start working out. and not just for the smart, obvious reasons like it's good for my health, it will make me slimmer, blah, blah, blah. and the fact that i am the most comfortable wearing either a) anything with no wasistband (aka a dress) or b) anything with an elastic, drawstring waistband. no, the reason i need to get in shape is in case i am being chased by crazy people with knives!! cory and i were watching "vacancy" the other night. i don't want to give anything away in case you are planning on seeing it, but there were some crazy people with knives after this couple. all i kept thinking while watching this is that cory and i would soooooo be dead. we are so out of shape. i mean these people were having to run, climb up things, crawl through tunnels. it was insane. you would have to be in some serious shape to survive. we'd be screwed!! i think at some point, i'd just turn around and run directly into the knife just so i could stop running! so it's settled. next week, i'm joining a gym and getting a trainer. never know when crazy people are going to be after you with knives.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

how could i forget????

i left a very important person off my list of men........vince vaughn. how could i forget him?? i do know him after all. we shared a brief encounter on the "ellen show." and if i would have been single then.......well, things would have went down a whole lot different. peace out.

a few good men....

so i've been thinking about something lately. if my wonderful husband gave me a free pass (or a few free passes) to be with someone famous, who would i choose?? well, there are a few.

1. julian mcmahon. he is one of the doctors on the show nip/tuck. delicious. so what if his eyebrows are more groomed than mine?? who's paying attention to the eyebrows?

2. mark walberg. yuuummmmyyy. he gets better looking with age! although he did look good when he was modeling underwear for calvin klein! marky who'd a thunk it?? i'd like to see his "funky bunch!"

3. matthew mcconaughey. not sure if that's spelled right. now, this is a tricky one because i've heard from several sources that he smells....and not good. he did admit on oprah that he hasn't worn deodorant. he claims he makes his own cream....FYI, matt, cream and deodorant..not the same thing. i could just get drunk...does alcohol impair your sense of smell?? but he's still hot. of course, according to my husband, he's hotter. no comment.

4. george clooney. like a fine wine...better with age. back in the day when he was on "facts of life" (remember that show..loved it!) he had a mullet and was dorky. but! i've heard he may be gay. like i care. that just means he'd be good to shop with, too. doesn't get much better than that!

5. rob lowe. another one that has aged very, very well. anyone who watches brothers and sisters knows what i'm talking about. he's a classic.

so that's all for now...i'll update as more come to mind. have a good sunday.

Thursday, August 9, 2007


i left one of my favs off the list. sixteen candles!!! how could i forget long duck dong??? isn't it funny to watch these movies know that you are older and you actually understand the jokes? good times.

top ten 80's movies

ok, i'm obviously struggling to come up with things to blog about. but as i was laying (or lying, i can never remember which is correct) in bed last night, i was thinking about some of my favorite movies. i know what you are thinking, wow, her nights must be really lame. well, they are. and i've made peace with that. anyhoo, i'd like to present you with my top ten favorite 80's movies.

10. girls just wanna have fun. it features a pre sex in the city sarah jessica parker and helen hunt. a rather cheesy film about two high school girls who are dying to be on an equally cheesy show called "dance t.v." my friend courtney and i used to have "dance-offs" inspired by this movie, of course.

9. breakfast club. everyone remembers detention, right? but i don't remember if being quite this fun. oh and ally sheedy's crazy character in today's time, would totally be shooting up the school. she was nuts!!

8. fast forward. ok, most of you probably have never even heard of this ridiculous movie. it's another movie about young adults who go to new york to make it as dancers. courtney and i watched it religiously and yes, danced. anyone sensing a pattern here? besides the fact that me and courtney were obviously huge dorks? maybe i was a dancer in a former life??

7. pretty in pink. ahh..molly ringwald. gotta love her if you were a child of the 80's. and andrew mccarthy...yum. i mean back then, not so yum now. and she made her own prom dress!!!! now that's drama.

6. revenge of the nerds. not a lot to say about this one..title pretty much sums it up. you've got nerds, they get revenge. still pretty funny!

5. any friday the 13th or halloween movie. ok i know a lot of you don't like scary movies. but my friends and i couldn't get enough of these cheesy things. and they are not even scary! molly ringwald having to make her own prom that's horror!

4. thelma and louise. just watched this one for the millionth time the other night. never gets old. who hasn't watch that and pictured yourself and a friend in the leading roles. well, i have. and like i said, i'm a dork.

3. footloose. kevin bacon was the shit back then. and he could dance! and you know i love me some movies about dancing!

2. urban cowboy. again, one that most of you probably haven't seen. it's got john travolta and he's a real cowboy. well, if real cowboys ride mechanical bulls in bars. but still, love this movie.

are you ready for my number 1 pick...............

i've got a tie

1. dirty dancing. with great lines like "nobody puts baby in the corner." how could you not love this movie. and you have to admit patrick swayze was hot in this movie. and who doesn't fantasize about going on a boring family vacation and hooking up with an older, bad boy? well, i did. and i know. i'm a dork.

1. st. elmo's fire. it has the whole "brat pack" in it! and rob lowe was hot..but has gotten even hotter with age. yummy!! and love demi moore. so what if she was a messed up coke-head~we've all got friends like that, right?

hope this totally useless information was helpful! by the way, i own movies #9, 4, 3, 2 and both #1's if anyone is interested in borrowing them. while browsing my extensive movie selection i noticed a few more that didn't make the list, though they are fine pieces of cinematic history....valley girl and fast times at ridgemont high. both hilarious! and both feature academy award winning actors. nicholas cage and sean penn, respectively. all are up for rent, no late fees. peace out my friends!

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

love my t.v.

ok, those who know me well know that i love my t.v. i watch a lot of t.v. and now with the wonderful invention of dvr, i can record anything and watch it when i want. so i have a lot of shows that i watch. usually summertime is pretty slow but i'm finding all kinds of stuff to satisfy my t.v. fix. cory and i just watched "wife swap" last night! had to be one of the funniest ones yet. if you haven't checked it out, you need to. i tell cory all the time that i want us to go on it. i don't care what kind of family i get stuck with, it would be worth if cory got stuck with some crazy woman who like didn't ever take a bath or something. and there are some crazy people like that on the show. last night, one family used their own urine to water their garden! yes, they poured pee on it! gross! i'd love to see a woman try and convince my husband to eat that! we also watched "big love" last night and if you have read my previous blog, you know how i feel about that one! love it. another guilty pleasure is "dog the bounty hunter." can't get enough. his wife, beth, has got the biggest boobs i've ever seen. seriously, she makes pam anderson look like she needs a training bra! but i love the show. i tried to convince cory that we should have a bail bonds business and track down criminals. he told me (for the millionth time) that his dad had a bail bonds business and he could do it. when i added that i could join him, he laughed. pretty hard, too. i'm not sure, but i think i'm offended. there is also a show on oxygen called "snapped." omg~it's a 30 minute show all about diffeent women who have lost it and killed their husband/boyfriend. i love it!!! i mean, i don't love that people are dead but it's just interesting how these women seem so normal and just everyday frustrations build up and they lose it! little things like, not picking up their crap, taking a nap on the couch while their child is playing in the laundry detergent, laughing at their wife when she suggests she could be an awesome crime fighter...........ok, maybe i don't need to watch that one anymore.