Thursday, December 20, 2007

now enrolling for 2008...

after careful thought and consideration, i have decided to offer certain classes to men....just basic stuff...things that they should already know and things that i'm sure they do know but choose not to do. feel free to sign your husbands, boyfriends or any man in your life you feel could benefit.

class #1: how to put on a new roll of toilet paper. now, i know this seems like a pretty elementary thing, but men just can't seem to grasp it...not sure if it's the eye-hand thing or just plain laziness. but they never, ever do it! this is also a great class for the teenager in your life since they can't seem to get it done either.

class #2: how to fart in private. men will tell you this is not possible...they say when you gotta rip one, you gotta rip one. well, that is a lie. i hold mine in when i'm in public..i'm pretty sure that all my friends do, too. because when we are all together hanging out, there isn't any farting going on. if there is, they are very, very discreet and somehow they don't smell. again, another good one for the a matter of fact, my teenage son just farted so loud he better go check his pants.

class #3: how to load a dishwasher. i am lucky if my husband's dishes make it to the sink..but the dishwasher, forget it about it. it's like he doesn't even know we have a dishwasher. i mean, how does he think all those dishes get in there??

class #4: how to put your dirty clothes in the dirty clothes hamper. when my husband comes home from work, he undresses in several areas of the living room. his shirt may be hanging off a bar stool, his shoes under the kitchen table, socks on the coffee table (gross, i know), belt on the couch and no telling where his pants are going to end up. and who do you think will pick up all this..of course, me. i'm a little ocd when it comes to picking up things. he tells me that if i would just wait, he'd do it all when he's after a few days of the clothes piling up. uh, no. i'm not going to trip over your shit all week until you get a wild hair and decide to pick it up. which has never happen. i've been out of town for a week and come home to a week's worth of shit on the floor.

i'm sure more classes will come to mind. feel free to sign up for one or more. and i'll happily take any volunteers to help me teach. there will be wine provided, of course. not for the students. only the teachers. we've earned it.


Missmindy said...

I will help you teach!! Let's also have a lesson on how to get your butt up off of the couch when dinner is burning, the baby is screaming his head off in the bath, and the doorbell is ringing all at the same time. I realize that may be asking too much, so maybe that part can be for bonus points.

Lindsay G said...

I watched a show on polygamy last night and thought of you... Maybe you should just go for it instead of the classes. Hell, have the sister wife do it for you instead. It would be easier to teach her.

Brandy said...

Hi, my name is Brandy. I am new to blogging and I happened to come across your blog today! I love it it is so cute. I absolutely love the lessons you have suggested here. I have 3 boys, 4 if you count my husband, and they could all use the classes, lol! If its ok with you, I would like to add you to my new found friends list here on blogspot. Hope to talk to you soon.