i watch e.r. (yes, still) and grey's anatomy. as i'm watching these shows, i came up with a brilliant idea~which most of mine are. before you get married or even think about birthing children, you should intern under someone who already has. i mean, they say, those are two of the most, if not, the most important jobs a person will take on in their life, right? it's easy. let's say i took on an intern..i'd actually take several. you get to tell them what to do and it's all for the sake of learning. everytime something comes up, like say, husband~who i will now refer to as mcfarty~won't stop snoring and/or farting in the bed. you would ask the intern(s) what they would do. i'm sure most would say, ah, nothing. he's your husband. you are supposed to love everything about him and just deal with it. wrong, intern, wrong. you can love someone with all your heart and not have to love all their annoying and disgusting habits. correct answer: take your ass to the couch and try to be back in bed before he wakes up so he doesn't get his feelings hurt. moving on.
your kids are driving you absolutely crazy~more than usual that is. the toddler is screaming because nothing is making her happy..one of the teenagers is going in and out of the house for the 50th time~along with a pack of equally foul smelling boys~and tracking mud through the house. what do you do?? i'm sure the naive single one would say, "take a deep breath, calmly talk to your children and resolve the problem. wrong again.
well, half wrong. you do take a deep breath, and then check the clock. if it's anywhere near 5 p.m. and by anywhere near i mean anytime after noon, have a glass of wine. or two. or three. by then, you won't care about the mud or the stinky teens and the toddler will be happy you are buzzed enough to sit through elmo and actually enjoy it.
see, this is genius. i really think i'm on to something here. but how would you advertise? and what would i call my business?? and it would be a business because i would charge these people, for sure. i know internships are supposed to be free but come on, people. this is valuable information that you know you wished you would have had before you sealed the deal. so if you know any single people thinking about taking the plunge or getting ready to get pregnant, send them my way.