a non-romantic love story...

my husband is not a romantic person...i LOVE him more than anything and i'm so glad that i'm married to him but when it comes to the romance department...not a lot going on. perfect example: our engagement story. oh, wait. there ISN"T one. it went a little something like this...

i started seeing cory in april of 2002. moved to austin with him in august of 2002. fast, i know. but it was obviously meant to be. so fast forward to christmas ever 2003. we are in ft. worth for christmas. he takes me to a jewelry store and tells me to pick out anything i want. i had already been in this particular jewelry store because he had been so kind to buy me some earrings awhile back. when i went in to get said earrings, i spotted a beautiful, antique engagement ring. so, when i cam in on that christmas eve and it was still there, i thought it was fate....not really. luck. just pure luck. let's not make this sound romantic. so, of course, i pounced on it. like a lion on a...whatever it is they pounce on.

cory: "you sure this is what you want?"

me: "yes."

and that was it. we went to my grandma's for christmas eve and it was just assumed that we were getting married. well, it was assumed because i kind of told everyone that we were. i mean, i moved to austin with him. we had an understanding that marriage was to come eventually. and by we, i mean I, had an understanding. so wedding plans began and the next october we were married. there was no down on one knee, will you marry me, i'd be honored if you'd be my wife. nothing. not even a you wanna get hitched or what??? that's probably more along the lines of how it would have been had there been an actual proposal.

but the thing is, i don't think i expected some big romantic gesture from him. he's just not THAT guy. not that there's anything wrong with THAT guy. but when your guys isn't that way, you just don't expect it. and frankly, i don't want it. if he busted out with some romantic, rose petal shit..i' d probably just laugh. it's just not who WE are as a couple. i get that. and because i do, i'm never disappointed. this picture shows just how romantic he is. or isn't.


love ya, babe.

and i'll take "dutch ovens" over rose petals anyday.

real housewives of....what the HELL is that??

i love all the "real housewives" franchises...some more than others but they are all must see t.v for me. so when the new batch of "housewives" from miami were introduced this week, of course, i was glued to the t.v. from the beginning it was a lot of the same things we've seen before...people with lots of money, talking about how much money they have and obnoxious womens with fake boobs talking about how much they work out to stay looking so good. yada, yada, yada... then, all of a sudden, i almost shot wine through my nose when i saw THIS:


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what. the. holy. hell. is. that??????? is that a woman? is that a cat? is it a cat-woman?? i've never seen anything so strange/ridiculous/scary in my life!! who was her plastic surgeon?? edward scissorhands? freddy krueger? and did he work in the dark? and blind-folded?? and on CRACK??? that was enough to give me nightmares, ya'll.

and like all the other "housewives"...how are these women housewives?? let me tell you about housewives. me and three other housewives just took 8~yes, 8~kids to eat at denny's at five o'clock today because kids eat free on thursdays. they could not wait for us to get out of there. i'm pretty sure that "kids eat free thursdays" will be a thing of the past after today.

THAT is what REAL housewives do.

well, THAT, and drink lots of wine...while watching "real housewives."

helllloooooooo....

WOW!! have i fallen off the wagon or what??? i can't believe it has been over a year since i've been on here! i would love to say that my time away has been spent helping to cure cancer, feeding the homeless or something way more exciting than my reality. but i felt the need to blog today so here. i. am.

i'm actually sitting here in barnes and noble having some coffee and realized that this is a GREAT place to people watch! talk about an eccentric group. the first to catch my roaming eye was a group of senior men in the cafe area...probably like 8-10 of them. they are all gathered around the small tables, drinking their coffee and chatting away like a bunch of girls! it's like a GNO...but it's in the morning...and they are men...and old. what's really interesting is that there is a young man dead center of all of it..he looks like he's probably in his late teens, early twenties and he looks absolutely LOST. like he's been dropped on another planet or something. poor guy. hope he's learning something.

next up, the creepy guy. oh...you know what i'm talking about. there's always that one guy lurking through the aisles..not really looking for anything in particular...just looking. he was just sitting near me over by the magazine rack. just sitting looking at a magazine. i tried very hard to see which one but had no luck. by the way he was dressed i thought he might be homeless but his huge starbucks made me think otherwise. not sure why...i don't see a homeless guy buying a starbucks. he has now gotten up and continued lurking. creeeeepppyyyyy.

and of course, there are all the young mothers bringing their kids to story time. but one grandma particularly caught my eye. and ears. she was pushing, what i presume to be her grandson in the stroller, and was talking on her cell...VERY LOUDLY. have you ever noticed that some older people do that?? they think they have to speak louder when on a cell phone?? meanwhile, the child was screaming away and she wasn't even phased..not sure if she could even hear him over own voice.

i wonder how many people come in here and buy nothing?? i see a lot of people grab a book or magazine, take a seat, read awhile, put it up and they are outta here. is that okay?? can you do that? or do you need to go to a library for such behavior?? thoughts?? anyone??

we know have a man in the magazine section that is a cross between kenny rogers and willie nelson...gray hair and beard but long braided pony tail.

well, we could do this all day.

i wonder if someone is watching me right now??

or you??

happy people watching!!

these never get old....

FYI: getting to second base with the sales girl will NOT get you a discount

so you know those days where everything seems to go your way...sun is shining, birds are singing, you hit all the green lights, etc..well, this was NOT one of THOSE days. this was the exact opposite of one of those days...in fact, this day would be THAT day's ugly stepsister...you know the mean, ugly one that nobody likes. yeah. THAT one. it all actually started the night before or monday evening around 6:39...okay, i don't know for sure that it was 6:39 but for dramatic effect, let's go with it. i spilled a glass of wine on my laptop. now, any other time, i would be crying over spilled wine and if it would have spilled on anything else, that would have been the case this particular time. but this was my laptop...my LAPTOP...my means of escaping to the world of TMZ, perez hilton, reading the adventures of my favorite bloggers and FACEBOOK!!!! OMG...what did we do before facebook?? i shutter to think of such a time...i quickly dumped off the excess liquid, just praying that it hadn't gotten any further than the surface. after drying it off, everything seemed to be ok...WHEW! crisis everted.

or so i thought.....

so a few hours later, i settled in to check one last time before going to bed, what was happening with tiger woods and the "alleged" beating of his ass by his wife~which by the way..LOVE it...i mean, being chased with a golf club?? talk about the irony..
that's when my laptop startd going all "exorcist" on me...screen was blinking on and off, i'd try to click on something and it would take me somewhere totally different, and the delete key wasn't working. or the A. or ENTER. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the next few minutes were like a scene from "grey's anatomy"....i was like a doctor trying to save my dying patient...i was wishing for some of those paddles to i could, i don't know, shock it or something. that always seems to work. so after several attempts to gain control of the situation, i decided to shut it down for the night...hopefully, it was just a little pissed off and after sleeping it off, it would be fine in the morning...

so i woke up early the next morning to go workout and i had to check out the situation before leaving for the gym. no change. i immediately went to the apple website on my phone to schedule an appointment at the genius bar ASAP. i got one for 10:15.
i dropped mac off at school and layton and i headed to see if a "genius" could bring my baby back to life. long story short, the repairs would be over $1000 and i would be better off buying a new one. soooo not what i wanted to hear. i packed my laptop back up and left the store feeling defeated...very defeated. i immediately started thinking what kind and how many sexual favors it was going to take to score me a new laptop...hmmmmmm...

next stop, getting fitted for new bras. it had been a while since i had been measured and bought some new ones so i figured maybe that would cheer me up. after telling the sales girl that i needed to be measured she ushers me in to the dressing room. now if memory serves me correctly, the last time i had been measured, the girl did it over my shirt. this one instructed me to remove my shirt. oooookkkkkkk....so i did. she did her thing and her measurements confirmed that i was still a 34B. alrighty then. she then went to grab some for me to try on. she quickly returns and started telling me a little about each one...yada, yada, yada. she hands me one and says "let's try this one on first." i paused and waited for her to, i don't know, LEAVE THE ROOM. it didn't take me too long to realize she wasn't going ANYWHERE. we were headed in to this thing TOGETHER. this girl took customer "service" to a whole new level. she told me to face the mirrors with my back to her and put my arms out in front of me. she slipped the bra through my arms and then told me to bend over...yes, you heard me, BEND OVER...and, i quote, "get everything all in." what?? what's "everything?" it's not like i'm wrestling a couple of double d's here. but i did as i was told. she hooked me up and started doing her thang...checking the fit, adjusting the straps. and that's when she said what NO woman wants to hear: "i think you need to go DOWN a cup size." i mean, honestly, i had been thinking for some time that i could probably wear an A cup, but i never, ever said it out loud. heaven forbid! but now it was CONFIRMED. i. have. no. boobs. none. zero. zilch. nada. she then retreats to go find me my "new" size. yippee. comes back to tell me that one of the ones i had chosen didn't come in that small of a size. well this day just keeps getting better and better. just point me to the training bras, lady....

and just when i thought my day couldn't get any worse, it did. a lot of you know that once you've had a few kids, your bladder is never the same. used to, if i felt i needed to go to the bathroom, i could hold off if need be...no biggie. uh...not anymore. i was unloading the car when i felt the urge to pee. then i REALLY felt the urge. i quickly put layton down and what started out to be a jog turned in to a sprint to the bathroom. if you guessed that i didn't make it and pissed my pants, you'd be correct. not a full on, need a diaper kind of thing but enough i had to change my pants. un-freaking-believable. someone just shoot me now. or give me a glass of wine. or four.

now, you are probably asking yourself, why on earth would she put this out there for everyone to see?? i'll tell you why. because i'm a giver. that's would i do. i give and give and give. and if i can give you an embarassing story that makes you feel better about something REALLY embarrasing that's happened to you, then great. because that's just the kind of person i am. and it is the season for giving. so there...don't say i never gave you anything.

now, PLEASE, i beg you, return the favor and leave me something embarassing about YOU in the comments section. it'll be fun. fun. fun. fun.

and now i must leave you for some "grey's anatomy" and a glass of wine.

and be very thankful that i married an "ass" man.......

atleast that's what he TOLD me....

hmmmmmm...........

i'm thankful for a lot of useless information...that i have found to be WAY useful....

so this is the time of year to share all the things you are thankful for...and you usually hear the same things from everyone...family, health, friends, yada, yada, yada...and don't get me wrong...i'm WAY thankful for all of those things, too. however, i'd like to lighten the mood a little and share with you some tidbits on a variation of subjects...things that i've learned over the past 35 years. do what you will with the following information...

*you never, EVER get used to the thought of your parental units having sex. i have two siblings, therefore, i believe that my parents have had sex THREE times and THREE times only. period. end of discussion.

*you should never, EVER say the following to anyone at anytime: "oh...my kid will NEVER do (insert whatever here)" i guarantee as soon as you utter those words, your child will either be doing it, about to do it, or has been doing it for awhile. and the ONE person that you don't want to know/see it, will be the only eye witness. trust me.

*i'm pretty sure that if i'm being graded as a parent, i'm failing. i don't think it's a good sign when your soon to be four year old has a bag packed because she's planning on moving out...with her boyfriend.

*there's nothing the day can throw at me that a glass of pinot grigio can't make better

*you will never feel anger like you will when someone hurts your child. they say that you should not hold grudges..it's not healthy. well, hurt my kids and i will NEVER forgive...and i will definately NEVER forget. i'm a firm believer of karma and you will get yours in the end. i'm counting on it...

*i think when people marry their cousins, it's just gross. REALLY gross.

*when your husband surprises you with a nice dinner out, he wants something. and he will try to collect as soon as possible. like in the car. on the way home.

*NEVER purchase one of those sexual coupon books at spencer's thinking it's just a cute stocking stuffer for your husband. he will take them seriously. VERY seriously. and expect to use them. and you will be expected to do it. whatever "it" may be. and no matter how much they are "misplaced" they will always show back up. ALWAYS. if you take to heart any of these things LET IT BE THIS ONE.

*there is always someone that will judge you and the choices you've made. SCREW 'EM. it's that simple.

*it doesn't matter that i know how wrong it is or how many times i've seen it, i will always watch the youtube video of the little person shooting a shotgun and laugh when it knocks him on his ass. EVERY time.

and last but certainly not least...

everytime you think you've got it so bad, just remember, there's someone, somewhere that has it much worse than you do. because they've just walked in on their parents having sex.

happy turkey day! and be thankful for the little things....

the doctors fixed his heart....so he could steal mine...

today is my baby layton's first birthday...and what a year it's been. if your new around here, you may not know that layton was born with a heart condition that required surgery a week after he was born. it was a very emotional and stressful time for all of us...i totally took for granted having 3 healthy children....and the feeling of leaving the hospital with your new baby. it was gut wrenching to drive away without him with me. i don't wish that feeling on anyone...and there's a few people i really don't like.

i was going to write a long post explaining the whole day that layton was born, the months leading up to it when we found out there was a problem, and the LONG days before, during and after his surgery. but now that i'm on here, i just want to post some pictures to let you know where he was and where he is now.

i'm posting a video that was taken after the breathing tube was removed after surgery...i'm pretty sure he's trying to tell us to get him out of the f'ing hospital. the pictures were taken yesterday at the park where we met with friends to celebrate layton's birthday.

thank you to everyone that has been a part of this journey with us....and happy birthday to my sweet, sweet baby boy.