Thursday, November 26, 2009

i'm thankful for a lot of useless information...that i have found to be WAY useful....

so this is the time of year to share all the things you are thankful for...and you usually hear the same things from, health, friends, yada, yada, yada...and don't get me wrong...i'm WAY thankful for all of those things, too. however, i'd like to lighten the mood a little and share with you some tidbits on a variation of subjects...things that i've learned over the past 35 years. do what you will with the following information...

*you never, EVER get used to the thought of your parental units having sex. i have two siblings, therefore, i believe that my parents have had sex THREE times and THREE times only. period. end of discussion.

*you should never, EVER say the following to anyone at anytime: " kid will NEVER do (insert whatever here)" i guarantee as soon as you utter those words, your child will either be doing it, about to do it, or has been doing it for awhile. and the ONE person that you don't want to know/see it, will be the only eye witness. trust me.

*i'm pretty sure that if i'm being graded as a parent, i'm failing. i don't think it's a good sign when your soon to be four year old has a bag packed because she's planning on moving out...with her boyfriend.

*there's nothing the day can throw at me that a glass of pinot grigio can't make better

*you will never feel anger like you will when someone hurts your child. they say that you should not hold's not healthy. well, hurt my kids and i will NEVER forgive...and i will definately NEVER forget. i'm a firm believer of karma and you will get yours in the end. i'm counting on it...

*i think when people marry their cousins, it's just gross. REALLY gross.

*when your husband surprises you with a nice dinner out, he wants something. and he will try to collect as soon as possible. like in the car. on the way home.

*NEVER purchase one of those sexual coupon books at spencer's thinking it's just a cute stocking stuffer for your husband. he will take them seriously. VERY seriously. and expect to use them. and you will be expected to do it. whatever "it" may be. and no matter how much they are "misplaced" they will always show back up. ALWAYS. if you take to heart any of these things LET IT BE THIS ONE.

*there is always someone that will judge you and the choices you've made. SCREW 'EM. it's that simple.

*it doesn't matter that i know how wrong it is or how many times i've seen it, i will always watch the youtube video of the little person shooting a shotgun and laugh when it knocks him on his ass. EVERY time.

and last but certainly not least...

everytime you think you've got it so bad, just remember, there's someone, somewhere that has it much worse than you do. because they've just walked in on their parents having sex.

happy turkey day! and be thankful for the little things....

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