i'm already working on the rebuttal...

my father sent this to me...stay tuned for my ideas on classes for men.


Spring Classes for Women at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Tuesday, June 30, 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.


Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. ;

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours...

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

oh, yes...the gloves are coming off.

i drink...for my family

so, i like to drink wine...almost every night. anyone that knows me, this is no news flash. but what you may not know is that i don't drink for myself...that would be selfish. i do it for one simple, loving reason...to keep from killing my entire family. except for layton...he's still so sweet and has not done anything to totally piss me off. yet. okay...that may be a little dramatic, but you get the drift. i do it for my sanity and let's face it, without that, EVERYONE in this house would be miserable. i've been accused of being bitchy lately. duh. i believe the role of mother/driver/maid/chef is the most under appreciated job on the planet. and with being under appreciated, comes a little...okay, a lot, of bitchiness. you hardly ever hear the words "thank you" or "please." you are just expected to do "it." whatever "it" may be. and what sucks is that if you think this way or dare say it out loud, you seem ungrateful for the opportunity to stay at home with your kids...which is not the case. i've been a working mom and missed out on a lot and i'm totally thankful that i get this opportunity now. but damn...sometimes you can't help but feel like the hired help. but there's no paycheck. and no sick days.

cory tried to tell me one time that maybe my bitchiness had something to do with my drinking every night. seriously? does he really want to test that theory. sometimes knowing that my refreshing glass of pinot grigio is waiting for me, is the only thing that gets me through the day.

i was told today by one of my wonderful children that "atleast you don't have a job." oh really?? well, let's just see how he gets his ass to and from football practice and driver's ed tomorrow...after all, it's not like i have a job. this is the same child that i spent all day friday, in the 105 degree heat, watching him play football while wrestling with an almost 8 month old and a 3 1/2 year old that does not seem to understand the word "no." i take that back~she understands it~she just doesn't give a shit. yea...i don't have a JOB.

and no one tells you how hard it's going to be...being a parent.all you hear is all the great things~and there are MANY! i'm thinking of writing a book that tells all the ugly things no one dares tell you when you are planning on having kids. like instead of having someone looking at your pregnant belly and saying, "ahhh, babies are soooo sweet. congratulations." i would say somethinng like, "congratulations. your cute, sweet baby will grow up to be a teenager....and literally suck the life right out of you. good luck with all THAT."

don't get me wrong...i love ALL my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world.

but....a case of pinot grigio....hmmmmmm.....

helloooooo....

wow! i can't believe i haven't blogged in over a month. this summer is flying by and sometimes i don't know where the time goes. oh. that's right. i've got kids. things at the brewer house are good...not much is going on. oh. i believe that mackenzie is a tween trapped in a toddler's body. she is totally into all that is disney...and i'm not talking mickey mouse, handy manny or pooh. uh, no. i'm talking high school musical, hannah montana, jonas brothers, zach and cody. she sneaks into the bathroom and puts eye shadow on...and it actually doesn't look half bad. she puts it in the right place. she walks around saying "sweet niblets!" which if you've seen hannah montana, you know what i'm talking about. she told me yesterday that harry potter was her boyfriend. alrighty.

let's move on to more important issues. you know. like, jon and kate.

now, i'll admit, at first, i totally sided with jon. kate seemed like real bitch and treated him like shit. but after seeing him with those earrings and looking like ed hardy vomited all over him, he looks absolutely ridiculous. i truly believe he is having an early mid-life crisis. sure, she's bitchy. but she's got 8 freakin' kids. i'm bitchy, and i've only got half that...and two of those are pretty much on their own. i can't imagine how bitchy i'd be with 8 all under the age of 10! CORY~YOUR COMMENTARY ON JUST HOW BITCHY I AM IS NOT NEEDED. THANK YOU.) the woman shot 8 kids out of her vagina. she deserves to be bitchy. and i also believe that she deserves to drink no matter the time of day. without judgement. i have a firm policy that drinking in the AM is completely acceptable as long as it involves juice of some sort...screwdrivers, ok. bloody marys, ok. mimosas, ok. got it? good. let's move on.

kate is also getting a lot of shit for wanting to continue the show. she has 8 kids to support. those 8 kids will probably want to go to college someday. what is she supposed to do to support them? i'm sorry, but even the best stripper can't support 8 kids. give her a break. i've been a single mom with one kid to feed and it ain't easy. and jon doesn't seem to have a fire under his ass to work. her heart seems to be in the right place. and he wants to move to new york??? what a douchebag. and she's getting a lot of flack for spanking her kids...are you kidding me?? thank god cameras don't follow me around all day...that's all i'm sayin'.

micheal and farrah...what a sad day. it's crazy that we are at the age where people that we idolized in our childhood are now dying. it started with john ritter. i was so sad when he died. i loved watching three's company. and i was determined to be a "charlie's angel." and don't even get me started on MJ. i was going to marry micheal jackson. i remember when he came to town for his "thriller" concert and my mom wanted to take me and my brother so badly. she couldn't get tickets but she bought me a white nightgown that said "thriller" in purple glitter. i loved it. my brother and i would camp out in front of the t.v. all day waiting for the "thriller" video to come on. we named our first dog "jackson." so sad.

here are some recent pics of the kiddos. have a great weekend!

happy 1/2 birthday, layton!

our little layton is 6 months old today! he weighs 17 lbs. and is 27 in. long. he is such a happy, happy baby!!

prom

well, my sweet, innocent baby boy is at the prom...with a COUGAR. okay..she's just a junior....but still.

mackenzie thought all the girls were princesses...and the top picture is her right after she realized that bubba left with all the other princesses and left his little princess behind.

can't deny this relation...

the above picture is of layton now~between 5-6 months~and the bottom is of mackenzie at the same age. they look like the same baby!!

but...did she give it to the dog???

i realize this is a serious situation...but i couldn't resist posting this. i thought this was something new but obviously not.

wash your hands, people! and don't be kissing no pigs.