with two little ones in the house, we watch a lot of kid's shows. our t.v. goes back and forth between nickelodeon, noggin and the disney channel ALL day long. and one thing i've noticed is that cartoons are definately not what they used to be. anyone remember the smurfs? i LOVED me some smurfs on saturday morning. it never occured to me to find it strange that there was all those male smurfs and just one smurfette. or how come gargimel was always torturing the poor smurfs relentlessly despite the fact that there was only of him and a million and one smurfs. and why were they blue?? anyhoo, back to the cartoons of today. after watching so many of these, i've drawn my own conclusions about some things...consider this a kind of "true hollywood story" on the world of kid's televesion entertainment.
dora the explorer~now, this chic has it figured out...she has learned that all a gal needs is to surround herself with a great group of friends, a token "gay"~you did know that tico, the squirrel is gay, right?? no straight man, i mean, squirrel, could pull off that vest...come on~and a stylish, functional bag can get you through anything life throws at you. her bff, boots, well, the jury is still out on his sexual preference...after all, he does wear red ugg boots...i'm just sayin'
max and ruby~i truly don't understand the appeal of this one. but mackenzie absolutely flips her shit when it's on and i hear that a lot of her friends are the same way. first off, where are these kids parents??? seriously? they live all alone? and what's up with the grandma who pops in every now and then, i guess to make sure they are still alive? is it just me, or does she seem drunk most of the time?? and ruby is such a little beotch...she never lets max speak and never lets him play with his own shit...her and louise are always trying to make him play dress-up or pretend he's a baby. i'm waiting for max to grow a pair and tell his bossy sister to back the f' off. now that's an episode i don't want to miss.
yo gabba gabba~three letters pretty much sums this one up: LSD...whoever came up with that one has taken a lot of it.
sesame street~this one has been around for a LONG time and i've heard a lot of theories out there about how the characters are developed to teach the children about diversity. for example, i've heard that oscar, the grouch, is a homeless person. well, duh. he lives in a trashcan, people. burt and ernie? totally a gay couple. not that there's anything wrong with that. the count? totally a major case of OCD. all that counting and the numbers!! it's madness! cookie monster? obviously suffering from an eating disorder. big bird? schizophrenic...NO one else can see snuffy??? totally makes sense, doesn't it??
spongebob squarepants~this is a fave in our house right now. mac wants to watch it all the time. i have to say, i don't get this one. i mean, WHAT is he exactly? and is it just me or does squidward look and act like a major drunk?
we've come a long way since bugs bunny...
Friday, September 18, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
and the "douchey" goes to....
wikipedia defines a douche bag as a piece of equipment for douching-a bag for holding the fluid used in douching. HOWEVER, for the sake of this post, douche bag is defined as a man that is a complete idiot, tool, moron, asshole....you get the picture. their should be an awards show that hands out awards~the douchey~to these ass clowns. i've compiled a list of some who's douchey meters were off the charts here recently. and the nominees are:
south carolina governor mark sanford~now many of you may not know this douche bag. he's the south carolina governor who was having an affair with a woman in argentina. now that alone, is pretty douchey, but infidelity seems to be a pre-requisite for a life in politics. but this dumb ass, had the audacity, to explain that he had met his soul mate~the mistress~but was going to try to fall back in love with his wife. now if that didn't make his wife feel all warm and fuzzy inside i don't know what would. if i were his wife, he would have come home to all his shit on the front law...and a one-way ticket to argentina.
congressman joe wilson~this tool actually called the president of the united states a liar~in the middle of his speech. i mean, that's pre-school 101...you don't interrupt the teacher when they are talking. he should have raised his hand like a good little congressman and waited until he was called on to speak. i feel the punishment should fit the crime...he should have had to sit in the corner and think about what he did.
joe jackson~just a few days after losing his son~it may have been the very next day~mr. father of the year was seen at an awards show, plugging upcoming artist on his record label. now, this really shouldn't be much of a shock...he's not exactly know for his outstanding parenting abilities. but COME ON!
kanye west~his latest tirade at the VMAs really shouldn't shock anyone. this long-time douche bag has been known to say some of the most ridiculous things. a few examples:
"george bush doesn't care about black people."
"If I don`t win Album of the Year, I`m gonna have a problem with that... I said I was the face of the Grammys last year. [This year] I`m 10 times that!"
"i realize that my place and position in history is that i will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade."
poor, poor kanye....he should really see someone about that self-esteem problem.
and last but definitely NOT least........
jon gosselin~now, when i first started watching "jon and kate plus 8" i admit that kate seemed pretty bitchy...she was kind of bossy and was a tad bit OCD...but after watching, you realize that she kind of has to be..she's raising 8 kids! and her husband didn't seem to get much of a fire under his ass about anything. still, when they divorced, you expected him to be his usual boring, woe-is-me, self but he has turned into DOUCHE BAG EXTRAORDINAIRE! with those earrings and wearing all that ed hardy crap?? running around with all these different women..announcing on television~that his kids will see someday~that he despises their mother?! say what you want about kate...everyone is dogging her for making all these appearances and trying to make a living...well, yeah, she's a single mom of 8. she's gotta make a living somehow. i say go "team kate" with your reverse, spikey mullet hair-do.
and their you have it...these are the douche bags of the moment..
who would YOU add to the list???
south carolina governor mark sanford~now many of you may not know this douche bag. he's the south carolina governor who was having an affair with a woman in argentina. now that alone, is pretty douchey, but infidelity seems to be a pre-requisite for a life in politics. but this dumb ass, had the audacity, to explain that he had met his soul mate~the mistress~but was going to try to fall back in love with his wife. now if that didn't make his wife feel all warm and fuzzy inside i don't know what would. if i were his wife, he would have come home to all his shit on the front law...and a one-way ticket to argentina.
congressman joe wilson~this tool actually called the president of the united states a liar~in the middle of his speech. i mean, that's pre-school 101...you don't interrupt the teacher when they are talking. he should have raised his hand like a good little congressman and waited until he was called on to speak. i feel the punishment should fit the crime...he should have had to sit in the corner and think about what he did.
joe jackson~just a few days after losing his son~it may have been the very next day~mr. father of the year was seen at an awards show, plugging upcoming artist on his record label. now, this really shouldn't be much of a shock...he's not exactly know for his outstanding parenting abilities. but COME ON!
kanye west~his latest tirade at the VMAs really shouldn't shock anyone. this long-time douche bag has been known to say some of the most ridiculous things. a few examples:
"george bush doesn't care about black people."
"If I don`t win Album of the Year, I`m gonna have a problem with that... I said I was the face of the Grammys last year. [This year] I`m 10 times that!"
"i realize that my place and position in history is that i will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade."
poor, poor kanye....he should really see someone about that self-esteem problem.
and last but definitely NOT least........
jon gosselin~now, when i first started watching "jon and kate plus 8" i admit that kate seemed pretty bitchy...she was kind of bossy and was a tad bit OCD...but after watching, you realize that she kind of has to be..she's raising 8 kids! and her husband didn't seem to get much of a fire under his ass about anything. still, when they divorced, you expected him to be his usual boring, woe-is-me, self but he has turned into DOUCHE BAG EXTRAORDINAIRE! with those earrings and wearing all that ed hardy crap?? running around with all these different women..announcing on television~that his kids will see someday~that he despises their mother?! say what you want about kate...everyone is dogging her for making all these appearances and trying to make a living...well, yeah, she's a single mom of 8. she's gotta make a living somehow. i say go "team kate" with your reverse, spikey mullet hair-do.
and their you have it...these are the douche bags of the moment..
who would YOU add to the list???
are you there, oprah???
for those of you that aren't on "crackbook" i had a very exciting afternoon today! i received an email from someone with the "oprah" show who found my blog through google while doing research for an upcoming show. uh, i called her back IMMEDIATELY! and it was a DIRECT line...i wasn't even put on hold! it's the little things, people! anyway, the show is about moms who are in a rut and don't actually enjoy staying home with the kids. after further discussion we decided that wasn't me....i may complain a little....okay....A LOT...but i do love staying home with my kiddos. and most days, i really mean it. but she did say she would keep my information in case they could use me for something else.
sooooooo, now that i know that the divine ms. O is reading...i know that she is not actually reading herself but a girl can dream...or be delusional...right?? anyway, i MUST be more diligent about posting on here!! you never know who's reading!!
so stay tuned for my next post coming straight to you tonight! it's going to be a good one!!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
i'm already working on the rebuttal...
my father sent this to me...stay tuned for my ideas on classes for men.
Spring Classes for Women at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Tuesday, June 30, 2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. ;
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours...
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
oh, yes...the gloves are coming off.
Spring Classes for Women at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Tuesday, June 30, 2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. ;
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours...
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
oh, yes...the gloves are coming off.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
i drink...for my family
so, i like to drink wine...almost every night. anyone that knows me, this is no news flash. but what you may not know is that i don't drink for myself...that would be selfish. i do it for one simple, loving reason...to keep from killing my entire family. except for layton...he's still so sweet and has not done anything to totally piss me off. yet. okay...that may be a little dramatic, but you get the drift. i do it for my sanity and let's face it, without that, EVERYONE in this house would be miserable. i've been accused of being bitchy lately. duh. i believe the role of mother/driver/maid/chef is the most under appreciated job on the planet. and with being under appreciated, comes a little...okay, a lot, of bitchiness. you hardly ever hear the words "thank you" or "please." you are just expected to do "it." whatever "it" may be. and what sucks is that if you think this way or dare say it out loud, you seem ungrateful for the opportunity to stay at home with your kids...which is not the case. i've been a working mom and missed out on a lot and i'm totally thankful that i get this opportunity now. but damn...sometimes you can't help but feel like the hired help. but there's no paycheck. and no sick days.
cory tried to tell me one time that maybe my bitchiness had something to do with my drinking every night. seriously? does he really want to test that theory. sometimes knowing that my refreshing glass of pinot grigio is waiting for me, is the only thing that gets me through the day.
i was told today by one of my wonderful children that "atleast you don't have a job." oh really?? well, let's just see how he gets his ass to and from football practice and driver's ed tomorrow...after all, it's not like i have a job. this is the same child that i spent all day friday, in the 105 degree heat, watching him play football while wrestling with an almost 8 month old and a 3 1/2 year old that does not seem to understand the word "no." i take that back~she understands it~she just doesn't give a shit. yea...i don't have a JOB.
and no one tells you how hard it's going to be...being a parent.all you hear is all the great things~and there are MANY! i'm thinking of writing a book that tells all the ugly things no one dares tell you when you are planning on having kids. like instead of having someone looking at your pregnant belly and saying, "ahhh, babies are soooo sweet. congratulations." i would say somethinng like, "congratulations. your cute, sweet baby will grow up to be a teenager....and literally suck the life right out of you. good luck with all THAT."
don't get me wrong...i love ALL my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world.
but....a case of pinot grigio....hmmmmmm.....
cory tried to tell me one time that maybe my bitchiness had something to do with my drinking every night. seriously? does he really want to test that theory. sometimes knowing that my refreshing glass of pinot grigio is waiting for me, is the only thing that gets me through the day.
i was told today by one of my wonderful children that "atleast you don't have a job." oh really?? well, let's just see how he gets his ass to and from football practice and driver's ed tomorrow...after all, it's not like i have a job. this is the same child that i spent all day friday, in the 105 degree heat, watching him play football while wrestling with an almost 8 month old and a 3 1/2 year old that does not seem to understand the word "no." i take that back~she understands it~she just doesn't give a shit. yea...i don't have a JOB.
and no one tells you how hard it's going to be...being a parent.all you hear is all the great things~and there are MANY! i'm thinking of writing a book that tells all the ugly things no one dares tell you when you are planning on having kids. like instead of having someone looking at your pregnant belly and saying, "ahhh, babies are soooo sweet. congratulations." i would say somethinng like, "congratulations. your cute, sweet baby will grow up to be a teenager....and literally suck the life right out of you. good luck with all THAT."
don't get me wrong...i love ALL my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world.
but....a case of pinot grigio....hmmmmmm.....
Saturday, June 27, 2009
helloooooo....
wow! i can't believe i haven't blogged in over a month. this summer is flying by and sometimes i don't know where the time goes. oh. that's right. i've got kids. things at the brewer house are good...not much is going on. oh. i believe that mackenzie is a tween trapped in a toddler's body. she is totally into all that is disney...and i'm not talking mickey mouse, handy manny or pooh. uh, no. i'm talking high school musical, hannah montana, jonas brothers, zach and cody. she sneaks into the bathroom and puts eye shadow on...and it actually doesn't look half bad. she puts it in the right place. she walks around saying "sweet niblets!" which if you've seen hannah montana, you know what i'm talking about. she told me yesterday that harry potter was her boyfriend. alrighty.
let's move on to more important issues. you know. like, jon and kate.
now, i'll admit, at first, i totally sided with jon. kate seemed like real bitch and treated him like shit. but after seeing him with those earrings and looking like ed hardy vomited all over him, he looks absolutely ridiculous. i truly believe he is having an early mid-life crisis. sure, she's bitchy. but she's got 8 freakin' kids. i'm bitchy, and i've only got half that...and two of those are pretty much on their own. i can't imagine how bitchy i'd be with 8 all under the age of 10! CORY~YOUR COMMENTARY ON JUST HOW BITCHY I AM IS NOT NEEDED. THANK YOU.) the woman shot 8 kids out of her vagina. she deserves to be bitchy. and i also believe that she deserves to drink no matter the time of day. without judgement. i have a firm policy that drinking in the AM is completely acceptable as long as it involves juice of some sort...screwdrivers, ok. bloody marys, ok. mimosas, ok. got it? good. let's move on.
kate is also getting a lot of shit for wanting to continue the show. she has 8 kids to support. those 8 kids will probably want to go to college someday. what is she supposed to do to support them? i'm sorry, but even the best stripper can't support 8 kids. give her a break. i've been a single mom with one kid to feed and it ain't easy. and jon doesn't seem to have a fire under his ass to work. her heart seems to be in the right place. and he wants to move to new york??? what a douchebag. and she's getting a lot of flack for spanking her kids...are you kidding me?? thank god cameras don't follow me around all day...that's all i'm sayin'.
micheal and farrah...what a sad day. it's crazy that we are at the age where people that we idolized in our childhood are now dying. it started with john ritter. i was so sad when he died. i loved watching three's company. and i was determined to be a "charlie's angel." and don't even get me started on MJ. i was going to marry micheal jackson. i remember when he came to town for his "thriller" concert and my mom wanted to take me and my brother so badly. she couldn't get tickets but she bought me a white nightgown that said "thriller" in purple glitter. i loved it. my brother and i would camp out in front of the t.v. all day waiting for the "thriller" video to come on. we named our first dog "jackson." so sad.
here are some recent pics of the kiddos. have a great weekend!
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