awesome!

my great mother-in-law sent these to me in response to my "real housewives" post. they are great!!! and i'm sure my husband is responsible for a lot of them!  thanks, pat, for sharing!

Tracie,

 

When you lose your voice first thing in the morning trying to get the teenagers up and to school. When you get in your car to start the morning carpool you realize someone has had the car out the night before. (Wonder if that is why it was so hard to wake up and which one is guilty.)    You pick up the toddler at preschool and the teacher recommends that he just might benefit from a dose of  ritlan.  The middle schooler comes home from school and has to have supplies right now for a term project that is due tomorrow. (Warning it's going to be a long night.)  You finally get dinner on the table and everyone seated - a policeman knocks on the door and says he has a warrant for your arrest for that ticket you got racing home from the grocery store six months ago and promptly forgot.  You calmly explain to him you can't possibly go to jail - who would clean the kitchen.  Then you think about it - might be a good break.

 

Pat

wow...

if you need to get your eyes checked, take this quick test:

thanks, dad!

you may be a REAL housewife....

like many of you, i watch the real housewives of orange county...actually i watch all of them...new york, atlanta..if there were a real housewives of zimbabwe, yes, i'd watch that, too. as much as i enjoy the show, it really kills me that they call these crazy women housewives. so, in case you are wondering if you fall in the housewife category, i've compiled a list of criteria to help you decide:

you may be a housewife if:

~by the end of the day, if you have not ripped out your hair, forgotten one of your kids at the grocery store~or anywhere for that matter~or had to ask the question, " why didn't you tell mommy you had to poo-poo?"then you have had a highly successful day.

~during the course of any given day,  you acquire several stains on your clothing and at least one of them is a bodily fluid...not belonging to you. this could be anything from vomit, poop, urine, etc.

~you secretly daydream about what song you would sing if you auditioned for "american idol"

knowing full well, that you can not sing. AT ALL. that's why they call them day "dreams."

~the thought of going to a restaurant that does not include a kid's meal, can be intoxicating. almost orgasmic. husbands: THINK ABOUT THAT.

~the thought of having an adult conversation at said restaurant that does not include the words: fruit snacks, "you gotta go potty?" or "please stop that." is also orgasmic. 

again, husbands: THINK ABOUT THAT.

~you do not know the words to the latest hit songs but can sing every word to the theme song to dora the explorer. and go, diego, go. and backyardigans.

~your drug of choice in the a.m. is caffeine...lots and lots of caffeine. and in the p.m. wine. large amounts of wine. in fact, the FDA should include two new food groups for housewives: coffee and wine.

~you get super excited if you score a package of "chip clips" in the dollar section at target.

~you have actually been so excited about a new box of tupperware, that you opened it up, laid it out on the coffee table and just stared at it. every. last. piece.

~the lady checking you out at walgreens asks if you have your hands full today because you look really tired. bitch.

~you can actually be on the phone, put in a load of laundry, and nurse a baby. ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

~you feel you need to show your husband a power point presentation on why girl's night out is a NECESSITY, NOT A PRIVILEGE.

~a good friday night is several glasses of wine and 20/20. a GREAT friday night is being able to stay awake for an ENTIRE movie.

~you spend a large amount of time assuring your husband that you are very grateful for being able to stay at home, but it is still a job. it is STRESSFUL, EXHAUSTING AND HARD.

~when your baby spits up on you, you don't look for a towel or tissue. anything close will do. that could be the sheet on your bed. or your own shirt. whatever.

~in your purse, you can usually find one or more of the following: a goldfish cracker, some sort of fruit snack and/or a few french fries from a happy meal....that was probably purchased a week ago.

please, send me your comments. let me know what other criteria should be added. 

i've got to go pour my first glass of wine and clean out my purse.

it's over...

layton's surgery went very well....we've been in recovery since about 11:00 and are now in a regular room. they've done a chest x-ray and it looked good. we are probably going home tomorrow and i can't wait!!! 

layton's surgery

we are at texas children's hospital in houston. they took layton back about 7:30 this morning. he was hungry as hell...he hadn't eaten since 11 pm last night....he had some pedialyte at 4:30 am. i was glad when they took him back to put him to sleep so he wouldn't be thinking about being hungry.

we are now in the waiting area...just waiting.

this picture was taken yesterday morning in the hotel room. he is such a happy boy! and he already weighs over 12 pounds!!

sweet baby layton...

layton is 8 weeks old today....he weighs over 11 pounds and is a happy boy...he's smiling a lot now!

we are going to houston next week for layton to have another procedure on his heart. he has a condition called aortic valve stenosis and they need to go in and balloon up one of his valves. the doctors are very optimistic that things will go very smoothly and they won't need to operate to repair or replace the valve. 

please keep us in your prayers. i'll keep everyone posted while we are in houston.

letter to ann coulter....

please forgive me while i step on my soap box for a bit...

dear ms. coulter,

to the chagrin of some of my friends and in-laws, i have been a fan of yours for awhile now. while i don't always agree with what you say, i always admire the fact that you have the balls to say it. you say what you mean and mean what you say, a quality i admire in any one. after all, you have never said anything that has affected me personally.....until now. your statement about single moms has really pissed me off. i was a single mom for 8 1/2 years until i met my wonderful husband, who also happened to be a single parent. while i will admit that being a single parent is not something that people usually yearn to become but rather it is a situation that a lot of people find themselves in. i take offense to your statement that single mothers are breeding strippers and rapists.  if there is one thing i pride myself on, it is my children and they way they have been raised. while our oldest two did not have the advantage of being raised by two loving, responsible parents, i do feel they were raised by the better~by far~of the two options. neither one is a stripper or rapist. they are an 18 year old college student and a 15 year old freshman in high school. they are very kind, loving, respectful people who i'm proud to call mine. one of the best compliments i have received was someone telling me that my kids were a pleasure to be around....that they are very respectful to adults and all around generous people.

it is amazing to me that someone who has no children of her own, has such a strong opinion on how to raise them. while i'm sure there are some strippers, rapists and other criminals that have come from single parent homes, i'm sure there are also some less desirable people that were raised by two parents. where is your research on that one? should a single woman marry man she doesn't not love just because she gets pregnant...just to later divorce, causing more heartache for the child?

again, while i respect your opinions and your courage to speak them no matter how criticized you might be, i personally take offense to this latest tirade of yours. 

so, as respectful and dignified as i can be, i say to you, ms. coulter:

suck it.

sincerely,

a former single mother not raising a stripper or a rapist

here is the link to her interview on "the view" and for once, i agree with the ladies....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGbWSfIL1d4